If the shoe fits...we don't have it.

1c

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Have you ever gone into a shoe store, found the perfect shoe, and found a salesman to go into the back and find your size? This shoe adventure seems too good to be true doesn't it?

Then the dream turns into reality as the salesman makes his way back from the depths of the shoe abyss and the following conversation occurs:

Salesman: "Welp, we don't have it in a size 11. We DO have it in a 4.5 or an 18. Will that work?"

You: "Uhhh, sure that'll work. Let me just shave off my toes and mash my bloody foot-stump into that baby shoe version of the one I wanted...douche"

Salesman: "Well how about this shoe we have in your size:"


at 2:24 PM
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POTW 11/10/09

1c

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Today's POTW came from a Google image search of "WTF"...


"Hmmm...Small jacket? check. Man-purse? check. Beeper on the belt? check. Cowboy hat? check. Pants?...DANG IT!"

Reason #397 that sometimes freedom isn't awesome.

The following are comments related to the fact he kind of looks like Bon Jovi:
"I've seen a million faces, and WTF'd them all!"
"Shot through the heart, and this dude's to blame, he gives WTF a great name..."

Let the comment(s) begin!...

at 4:53 PM
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2 + 2 = toilet paper

0c

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Remember when toilet paper was just, well, toilet paper? It was one size, one type, and that's it. There was the kind that you had at home which was fine, and there was the kind in public bathrooms that resembled something more of a cardboard consistency.

It seems someone, somewhere decided that we as Americans didn't have enough toilet paper on a plain old single roll. Thus, toilet paper math was born.


Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that I don't have to change the toilet paper roll as much. It's just a problem when you need one of these to get your toilet paper to fit:

I mean when is this going to end?

I mean why stop at an extender? Why not just do this?:

I think we should revolt against these big corporation toilet paper companies and stop taking dumps. We'll show them!
at 10:40 PM
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POTW 11/2/09

3c

Monday, November 2, 2009

Today's POTW came from a google image search I did last week for "Turkey leg":


Are those custom tailored shorts???

The boots really make this ensemble.

A lot like sea-horses, a male clown can actually give birth.

This is why Oklahoma can never win the big game.

Let the comments begin!...
at 11:35 AM
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Mind Douche

2c

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Criss Angel

Yes, that is how he spells his name. Because he is a...wait for it........


If you're not sure who I'm talking about, he has a show on some network called "Mind Freak" which is basically a magic show (turned goth). What's that you say? Why yes, most people stop with magic after the age of 12, but NOT THIS GUY!


He wears bedazzled hand cuffs around his neck and insults our intelligence by "walking on water" or getting run over by a bulldozer. The worst part is he takes himself WAY too seriously while doing this stuff.

Guy in background: "awww, I WANTED to walk on water" :(

Doesn't he look like that kid in high school that didn't realize everyone was picking on him because he actually thought being goth "scared people?"


If this guy wasn't on TV he'd probably be hanging around playgrounds asking kids if they wanted to see a "magic trick" in his van.

Nice fedora and leather vest.

Anyway, the moral of this story is that no matter how awesome you think magic is and no matter how many chains, necklaces, rings, and "bad ass" stuff you wear, you're still a guy doing magic tricks. Keep up the good work.


Put on some shoes, asshole.

at 8:22 PM
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POTW 10/26/09

4c

Monday, October 26, 2009

Today's POTW is a picture I found randomly off of Google Images (I don't remember what I typed to find it, but it's pretty awesome)...



Right: "This is the last time I take a roofie alone in my apartment"

Right: "WHAT'S THAT SMELL?!?!"
Kid: "I just had a brain-fart"
Right: "Those don't smell"
Kid: "When you have one of these guys on your head, it definitely does"

Let the comments begin!... (I'm still saying this even though nobody comments on POTW anymore)
at 5:53 PM
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Getting married ladies? Here's a penis hat!

0c

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The following blog post was written by: Todd Koren (see this blog).

Produced and directed by: awesome_rossome (I added pretty pictures!)

*don't forget to hover over the pictures for a witty caption!*

The bachelor party is a time honored tradition for men to regret the choice of one vagina for the rest of their lives. To celebrate, men all over the world take part in binge drinking, arm punching, and collectively staring at boobage.


As society decided to cut off its balls and give women "equal rights," the idea of the bachelorette party became an all too real danger. Now don't get us wrong, women are fun. However, when they get together, they make odd decisions based on trying to be like their male counter parts. Evidence of this phenomenon: the phrase "chicks before dicks"; male strippers; and worst of all, the WNBA.

Did the girls of the world get together and say "We must be even more sex-crazed then the men before our weddings, but how?" "Oh, I know! Lets wear cocks! Dicks of all shapes, sizes, and colors!"

"We can make party favors, hats, cakes, balloons, pencils, and douches! Penis-forged in the fires of Vagina-hell!"

There is a strong sense of Irony in all of this. Men are considered to be more sex-crazed than rabbits at times. We are judged, mocked, and ridiculed whenever an attractive woman catches our eye. And yet, in our most revered moment of debauchery, we could never match the excitement found in the eyes of a woman when she gets her hands on a lime green cock-shaped q-tip the week before her wedding day.

If you have any hilarious ideas for a blog post send them to me and I'll make them more awesome with pictures!


at 10:01 AM
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